Disclaimer: This fic is the sequel to "Facing the Moment" and contains various spoilers for the DC Comic Firestorm: The Nuclear Man up through issue #100. This entire fic takes place during issue #100, and the action and many panels from that issue are described. The writer for issue #100 is John Ostrander, the artist Tom Mandrake and the letterer J. W. Ghastly. Gerry Conway, Al Milgrom, Joe Borozowski, J. J. Birch and Tom Grindberg also contributed writing, art and penciling. Dialogue and description that is in blue is quoted from this issue.
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Martin Stein opened the door and walked into his apartment. Home again, home again … such as it is.
He had left Simon LaGrieve's office troubled. Called to a meeting with his friend Simon, along with Firehawk, Firestorm and a man he didn't know named Rasputin; he had learned that Earth was doomed. Brimstone, an artificial creation of Darkseid, was working even now to destroy the sun and consume Earth in a fiery death. Firestorm, who had once been able to defeat Brimstone, was now unable to leave Earth. No other hero could be found who could survive the blazing inferno and temperature of the Sun. And hence, all life was doomed.
He tossed his mail onto the top of his dresser. An odd life I am about to lose. The mail seems evenly divided between "Martin Stein" and "occupant."
Perhaps that's who I really am - "Martin Stein, occupant." I don't really have a life. I simply occupy space.
Things hadn't been the same since Ronald had disappeared. The boy was the only thing that brought life into Stein's existence. As bothersome as the boy's protective nature had been, Stein missed him terribly. He spent most of his time now over at the Institute's offices; the apartment literally felt lifeless without Ronald there.
I've managed to accomplish a few things. He tried to reassure himself there was a value to his existence. After all, without Stein's assistance Simon LaGrieve would be dead, and without Stein's connection to Firestorm so would Louise Lincoln. It was a small comfort. Any warm body could have saved Simon's life, Martin just happened to be the one there. And it was Firestorm who had saved Lincoln's life; Stein was just able to summon him.
Only with Ronald had it seemed that he was more than a body that occupied space.
At least now Martin knew what happened to Ronald. He'd gotten that story from Lorraine Reilly. But it was hard to see Ronald in Firestorm. When he saw the elemental, and that was rare, he (it?) seemed so alien to the overprotective young man he seemed to have once known so well.
Hold on! Looking down past the junk mail and the science magazines he seemed to have once enjoyed, Martin spotted an envelope that caught his attention. The return address read 'Ed Raymond, New York.' That's Ronald's father.
He grabbed it and slit it open. Ah! It's something Ed feels I should know about my "past." He's forwarded a letter he's found among Ronald's things. Humph. It dates back to just after Ronald and I met at that rest home.
Taking the letter, Martin sat down on the grey couch Ronald had found to put in the living room. It seemed a bit odd that there was a green couch in the boy's room, but who was he to judge that? For all Martin knew, it could be perfectly normal.
Dear Martin -
As I write this, it's been only a few days since we found out you were still alive. I'm not sure I've ever been so happy, except for a couple of times we had together before. This is kind of like those times, too, cause then you were dying of a brain tumor, and now much of your memory of who you have been is gone. So, no matter how good things are, I guess they're not meant to be perfect.
I'm writing this down in case - well, in case anything should happen to me. I think you have a right to know the truth. I may never get the courage to tell you these things or give you this letter. I didn't have that courage before I lost you. There were things I never said, and I regretted never saying them. If you're reading them, and I haven't told you, I regret that. Not as much as I regret not figuring things out earlier, but it's right up there.
So, here we go. I told you I was a friend. You were my best friend. You still are - even if you don't remember it. Do you believe in fate, Professor? I do. After all that's happened to us, how could I not? We met at the Hudson Experimental Nuclear Power Plant. You designed that plant, and I had joined a group of radicals protesting it. I wanted to impress a girl named Doreen; those radicals wanted to blow up the plant and make me the fall guy. You were working late that night; they knocked us both out, planted a bomb next to the nuclear pile, and left us there. I regained consciousness a few minutes later and tried to drag you away, but we didn't make it far. When the bomb went off and the radiation poured over us we became Firestorm.
We did all sorts of things as Firestorm - if you really want to know anything about it, just ask Lorraine Reilly. She knows most of it, since she became Firehawk. I can't put our entire career as Firestorm in a letter. It's hard to explain, anyway, especially after the matrix changed and Mikhail Arkadin joined us as part of Firestorm. Your mind is now in charge, serving as the template for Firestorm's persona, while Mikhail and I are the physical aspects - only able to offer advice.
I used to think Firestorm was the most important thing in my life. It made me feel good about myself. But it wasn't what was really important. I found that out when a shadow on an x-ray of your brain was diagnosed as a tumor, and the doctors gave you six months to live.
That's when I knew you were the most important thing in my life. What I never had the courage to say was just how much I love you. So I'm writing it down now. I love you. I didn't realize just what you meant to me until I knew you were dying, and that's the biggest thing I regret. I wish I'd known sooner, though god knows you probably wouldn't have believed me or done anything with me, but I wouldn't have wasted time chasing Doreen or Lorraine. You and I were, very briefly, lovers, after we found out about the tumor. Those were two of the most beautiful moments in my life, Martin, and even if you never remember them, I hope they were beautiful for you too. We weren't really good at talking sometimes.
You're one of the best men I've ever known, Martin. I really want to tell you this face-to-face, but - well, the truth is, I haven't yet worked up the nerve. I didn't have it when you had your memory. I wasn't sure you would believe me. We had our problems, our fights, just like other people. Especially right after I found out about the tumor. I was angry, and I lashed out. So when I figured out that I really was in love with you, I didn't tell you because the time never seemed right. And now, you don't know me, so why should you believe me now? I guess I'm insecure about it.
But even if you never know, or even feel the same way I do, I'm always going to love you. I hope you understand, in spite of how I've sometimes mooked it all up. I really do love you - Ron.
Martin flopped back against the couch. So I'm gay. He tasted the thought. It elicited no real response from him. It neither repulsed nor attracted him. He didn't know what he was supposed to feel about it; it was just one more thing he had lost.
It did explain two things though - the feelings he had toward Ronald that he could never seem to understand and Ronald's actions.
Martin stood and walked into Ronald's room. The boy's things remained where he had dropped them, a clutter of books and clean laundry in tubs. Martin ran his hand over the top of Ronald's couch. It was a bit comforting, for he felt closer to his friend lover? here.
Dear Ron. My dear friend. You didn't have the chance to write the end of this. It was only too late you learned the truth about Firestorm, and fused with Mikhail to become Firestorm permanently. But if Firestorm's vision was right, this wasn't even the true form the elemental was supposed to take. According to his vision I was originally meant to be the human component in the matrix.
Thank you, Ronald. Thank you, Ed. He wondered if Ed Raymond had read this letter, and how he felt about his son's relationship with Martin Stein. You have given me a great gift, but more than that, you have clarified my thinking.
He walked back out into the living room. It was neat and clean, the mail on the cocktail table the only thing out of place. Look at this place. Everything here is rented - leased from another life. Nothing has any personal meaning to me because I have no memories of my own of that previous life. In a real sense, whoever I was died a long time ago - perhaps as far back as that accident in the nuclear reactor. And I think I have an idea, based on what I know of Firestorm, of what I can do. Martin had made his decision. It was the least he could do for the world, and Ronald Raymond, whom he still didn't know what to feel for.
He went over to the phone and dialed up LaGrieve. "Hello, Simon? This is Martin Stein. Look, I have an idea that might solve the Brimstone problem."
"What are you thinking of?" Simon replied.
"No, let's not talk on the phone. Can you gather Firestorm, Firehawk, Rasputin and meet me tonight on the airfield adjoining the institute?"
"Sure, what time?"
"Midnight. When one day dies and another is born. Let's meet at midnight."
At midnight, Martin Stein laid out his plan to the others. After a few questions to ascertain the nature of elementals and their birth, the solution seemed as simple as he had seen it - to get himself into orbit and then for him and Firestorm to die.
Simon's reaction was predictable. "Martin, have you gone mad?!" The others looked just as shocked at the proposal.
"I'm desperate, but, I think, sane. And I think I know how to implement the plan." He gestured toward the hanger and the aircraft IMHS was warehousing and explained his plan. It seemed perfectly simple to him: equip one of the aircraft with oxygen tanks and a quantity of explosives, have Firehawk and Firestorm supply sufficient thrust to put it into orbit, with Stein himself aboard, then detonate the craft to end both his and Firestorm's lives (Firehawk was to leave before the explosion), hopefully recreating both into a new Firestorm, who would then be free to journey to the sun and fight Brimstone.
Firestorm looked at him. "I'm willing, Martin, to take the chance. Any chance is better than none! But - your plan will also doom Ron and Mikhail. Is there no other way?"
Oh, no, Firestorm, I'm not killing Ronald. "I may have an idea there as well. But first we need your transmuting power to help prepare the rocket. And I'll need a flight suit and a grenade."
"I can get those from the institute, along with trajectories for the flight window," LaGrieve volunteered, heading for his car. "The plan is madness, Martin - but I have none other to offer."
Firehawk walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "Martin, what of you own life? Are you willing to toss it away for so slim a chance?"
"I don't really have a life, Lorraine, so nothing would actually be lost. But if I succeed, then everyone has a chance! How can I not risk it?" And Ronald will have a chance. If I once loved him … and that does feel right … then this is chance I must take.
Martin found himself liking the elemental, and they certainly worked well together - Firestorm creating what Stein instructed. The trickiest part came in saving Ronald and Mikhail. Martin's plan was for Firestorm to release them from his matrix but retain Svarozhich. Though it was dissolution of the very essence of the elemental's concept of self, the elemental was willing to do it, to do whatever he had to do to save the planet. Twin balls of light sped off from the airfield, leaving only the Svarozhich aspect of Firestorm. The worst of it was establishing some mental control over the creature, but with a bit of mental persuasion upon Rasputin's part and a slug in the jaw from Firehawk, it was done. They took their positions behind the plane and it sped toward orbit.
Mikhail's ball of light touched down in the dawn of Moscow, falling into his old apartment, now lovingly restored by Nina. He fell into his wife's arms, his children crowding around him. "<Hush, love! Hush, my dove! I've come back! I'm real. I'm home!>" He gathered them close.
Later, when he stood at the window and saw the streak of light in the sky, Mikhail's heart swelled with admiration. "<Fly, my brother. Take all our hearts with you!>"
Ronnie fell out of the ball of light in New York, at the door of his parents' apartment. His dad opened the door, the murderous rage on his face replaced by a look of sheer joy as he grabbed his son in a fierce hug. "Ron! Oh, thank heaven! Ron!"
Felicity sounded puzzled behind her wide smile. "But - I thought - how did you get out of Firestorm?!"
Ronnie shook his head groggily as he stumbled into the apartment. "It's kind of hazy. He released me because he and Martin …!" Everything came flooding back into Ronnie's consciousness. "Oh, no! Nooo!"
"Ron?" Felicity looked terrified at the anguish in Ronnie's voice. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's Martin! He's going to kill himself!"
Ronnie collapsed on the floor, torn apart inside.
Dear Lord - it's so beautiful! The stars sparkled against the blackness of the space outside Martin's craft. I dreamed of seeing the stars - and now I have. How exquisite!
Look at me. I'm shaking, scared. Not unreasonable, I suppose. He brought his gaze down from the stars, eternal and unreachable, to the grenade in his hands, today's reality. Is it death that scares me - or the thought that it will prove meaningless? He grasped the pin between his thumb and forefinger. That I'll fail once and for all and the Earth will be doomed. He took a deep breath and steeled himself. Can't be helped, Martin, so just pull the pin and trust to luck!
In the seconds before the explosion it seemed as if he could feel luck all around him, almost as if he was meeting the orisha of luck, Eshu, whom Firestorm has spoken of. Then there was only the terrible silence of an explosion in hard vacuum, the quick, hot fire consuming the oxygen tanks before falling in on itself, taking the shape of a man.
Good heavens! It worked! I am Firestorm! And ... I am also truly Martin Stein! All of his memories came rushing back into his mind. The Firestorm matrix has preserved all those memories of myself I thought I had lost! I remember everything pertaining to both Firestorm and Martin Stein!
Oh, Ronald… The warmth that spread through him with the returning memories burned hotter than anything he could produce as Firestorm. I love you too.
Every memory of his relationship with Ronald was accessible now, from the moment Ronald first told him about their relationship as Firestorm, through their career as Firestorm, through the ups and downs of their friendship as Martin and Ronald, through the pain of their fighting as they had drifted apart, and finally into the moments of physical pleasure that had been the closest expression they had ever come to of their true feelings for each other.
You must have hurt so much. Martin could see Ronald curled up on the green couch they had made love on. My 'death' and then the loss of my memory… How could I forget what we had together? I never wanted to hurt you … well, except when I was so angry with you, after you forced the merger. He remembered every moment now, every emotion - from the shock of their first kiss to the love he couldn't speak when they had made love after he got out of the hospital.
And now I am Firestorm without you. The knowledge of the power under his control made him feel the absence of Ronald's mind all the more keenly. Ronald, I can only hope I've learned from you during our time together. Certainly he had learned the true meaning of love, as he looked down on the green-blue planet below him. He loved the Earth, and her people, and one red-haired young man in New York particularly. For your sake, and the sake of all the others on our poor, abused planet, I no longer have the luxury of losing genteelly. I must learn to finally win!
He sped off for the sun. May Maya guide me!
Success was achieved, Brimstone defeated, not by what Martin had learned from Ronald, but by the use of his intelligence and memory, remembering that Brimstone's weakness was the technoseed that comprised the construct's heart and striking there. But the imploding energies from the destruction of the construct had opened a nascent black hole upon the surface of the sun.
Firestorm called out to Maya, Have I doomed not only our planet, but the entire solar system?!
Though the Earth was far away, Firestorm could hear the response of the Earth Spirit in his soul, instructing him to not resist the pull of the vortex. Pass through the gate and you may be able to shut it from within. Surrender to it so that Earth may live!
He did so, though the pain was near to unbearable and the vortex was crushing even his energy. From the crush of this gravity, no light, no sound and no energy may escape. Even screaming could not come until he had been spat out past the event horizon.
I could never endure that again! Firestorm was exhausted. A more sobering thought followed. I will never have to endure that again because if I succeed, I'll never have a way back to what I knew as home!
Oh, Ronald. I never wanted to leave you like this. He looked back at the vortex that was the only portal to his world, and would soon destroy it. There was no decision to make.
"If I do not close the gate, everything that I knew as home will cease to be! I haven't come so far - challenged so much - to fail at the last! Whatever my fate may be, the Earth must live!" If it means my life, I will give it. I will not see Ronald die. Firestorm focused his will and pushed all of his energy outward, closing the vortex with an explosion of energy.
For a while, there is nothing. But energy, like hope, can never truly be destroyed.
I live. Firestorm looked around him. He was floating free inside an asteroid belt, a nearby star burned a cool red and he could see a large gaseous planet with two airless moons circling it.
Astounding! The theory was that black holes would lead us to anti-matter universes with white holes, but this space seems to be a universe of positive matter!
I wonder what it's like.
I suspect I will have time to learn - for the way home to my world is blocked.
There may be yet another way home - somewhere. In the meantime, I have a universe to discover - and explore. I wish Ronald were here to share it with me.
I live and my world still lives … and on it, my friends are safe for the moment. It is more than I hoped for when I began. Thank you, Maya! Your child is grateful!
I'll find a way home, Ronald. Some day.
Back on Earth, some days later, Ronnie wandered down to Howard Fine Howard Clinic to visit Lorraine Reilly. When Firehawk had first crashed after the push, and Lorraine had been brought in, the doctors feared she wouldn't survive. Now they were saying she'd be out by the end of the week.
"Uhhh … hi. I brought you some flowers."
"Ron! Oh, Ron!" Lorraine held out her arms, and Ronnie was more than happy to give her the hug she was demanding.
"Missed you," she said.
Ronnie dodged her lips and kissed her on the cheek. Don't look at me that way, Lorraine. I missed you, and I care about you, but I can't give you what you want.
"Thanks for helping Martin." Ronnie said. "Dr. LaGrieve filled me in on the whole story. You were great!"
"Pshaw! But - oh, Ron! Is he really dead?! Do you think that Martin - that Firestorm - is really gone?!"
"No. I'd feel it inside if he was. He's out there somewhere. I know it. In my heart, I know." He has to be. Life can't be that unfair.